Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
