After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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