If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
