Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
