went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
