whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
