WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
