i just google imaged poop.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
