here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
