I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
