A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
