i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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