I faked an abortion last night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
