I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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