How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
