I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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