I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
