wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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