Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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