The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
