Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
