I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
