Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
