the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
