your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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