Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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