she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
