You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
