As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
