I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
