you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
