No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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