So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
