So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
