I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
