a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
