I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
