Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
