I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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