we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
