y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
