Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
