BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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