Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dick very happy bro
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
