he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
