I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
