I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
