the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize