Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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