I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
